Image from Xkcd. I’m not trying to steal anything, okay? (also, been wanting to use it for ages!)
This is something that I find most people don’t really like to talk about. I know I certainly thought I was better than everyone else at one point. arrogant. all that. Somehow I manage to have low self esteem and no confidence at the same time. yeah, I don’t really make much sense. Just full of never-ending contradictions.
And After someone I have met in real life read my Posts and called me a Hypocrite, I pretty much just said: Yeah, probably. Well, If they were talking about this (well, what else could it be?). Anyway, It is something I really want to get onto paper, so to speak.
You see, this is where you begin to delve into the confusing realm of mysticism with things being true and yet not true. but really, it is only confusing if you try and see everything in black and white.
But I’m digressing again. Take conspiracy theorists (I’ve read my fair share of conspiracies. got confused and bored.), for example. they gain a sort of ego for themselves by the notion that they know something that the ‘sheeple’ don’t. That may even be true. But it certainly doesn’t mean that they should look down on them. also, don’t try to as it were, to ‘wake them’. . let the sleeping dogs lie.
“meat for men, milk for babes, do not throw pearls before swine”-. I did paraphrase it a bit (or a lot). that is where this whole thing gets confusing. conversely you are supposed to speak your truth. But most are not ready to hear it. it’s a most infuriating balancing act, this stuff. Duality is weird. This is what really annoys me about most spiritual people. they never actually delve deep enough into it to really understand any of it. they just repeat love and light, Namaste’, And Loads of things about vibrations and the vaunted “law of attraction”
But that’s pretty tame. You see, most of these people are women (and yes, I am bitter about it.). they like nice, pretty images like this:
Are you serious? it makes me want to throw up. simply put, it is unbalanced. (I hope I’m not repeating myself too much.) but everything seems to be connected. Compare it to something like this:
Now, I’m being judgemental. yeah. Which is something I’m always very quick to pounce on other people for. but there is no hatred, no judgement. I only want to point it out so you can correct it. become more complete. That is what holy means. Whole-y. complete. not separate. take individual as a word. break it down. in-divid-dual. Duality in division (divid is another way of saying divide, apparently.). The things you can find by breaking up words is quite amusing. take weekdays. Weak-daze. it is a spell. weekend. weak-end. moral of the story, I hate the week. Oh, do you want to do that thing again every 7 ‘days’ in an arbitrary cycle? sure…
Back to the point I was making earlier. I’ve realised that I have been projecting alot of my problems onto other people. in fact, that is how I am aware of them in the first place! if you can know yourself, you automatic know everyone else. the inner reflects the outer, and vice versa. “as above, so below. as within, so without.” Its kinda the eastern logic behind “Know thyself, know thy enemy”
I’ve been doing a fair share of sitting on my high horse with my position. in fact, ‘I’ am doing it right now. but I’m admitting it, and I’m aware of it. Rather than being the ego, or being ruled by it, I am simply observing it. So yes. “I” am arrogant. “I” am a hypocrite. but I’m not ruled by it. sometimes you can just tell it to shut up. and it does. I remember after studying eastern philosophy declaring: I’m going to get rid of my ego! A few months later I realised that was a selfish exercise. They have a funny sense of humour. As far as I’m aware, doing such a thing only results on you being unable to live in the world. my name no longer has any meaning for me. the reflection in the mirror is just a face. Sometimes I don’t recognise my family.
I’d hate to think how hard it would be to function if I completely lost my sense of self. Well, I guess I rambled and repeated myself again. I’m sorry! I promise I’l talk about something new next time. Anyway, Have A look at one of the videos that I really like: Alan Watts – Who is it that knows there is no ego It’s about an hour long. But really good.