Hi, This post is kinda a rant. And may contain dangerous amounts of Frankness. If this concerns you, Go. Away. nobody is forcing you to read it!
You know, I’ve always had a habit of saying things that most dare not say. Not many people liked my last post. Oh well, too bad. Being spiritual isn’t about being liked. and certainly isn’t about being positive or happy. Perhaps I’m just bitter. and is that so wrong? (ohhh, I’m lowering my vibration, big deal.)
Because of the way I am, I have no choice but to withdraw from all of the superficial nonsense that most people partake in. I have heard nonsense from the spiritual community like : “Find your own truth” They manifested their suffering, we shouldn’t help them” But that’s a little beside the point I wanted to get across.
No jokes today, sorry. I cannot describe how angry it makes me. I’m not from around here, By the way. well, I am, but things were different a long time ago. I can’t even perceive time in the same way as most people. I cannot sense it. You see, According to society, I have 2 disabilities: “Asperger’s syndrome” and “ADHD”. As a direct result of that, I have spent the majority of my life being either harassed, bullied, shunned, or isolated. And also doing reading on practically any piece of information I could get my hands on. I actually read a few entire encyclopaedias from front to back. It took me months. Was it fun? No. But I needed to know what earth was all about, I suppose.
I eventually got sick of reading about evolution at the beginning. By the way, I was 8 or 9 at the time. Boring is not the word. This is my frustration. Some of you can just stop. I can’t. I have a mission to complete, and I have no idea how to accomplish it. And People trying to shoehorn me into their precious little machine is really not helping.
Between ascension making me ungrounded enough to be only vaguely aware of my physical body, to the point where I would liken it to a meat puppet, or having my hands shake because of trauma, And a million other things, frankly I am over people who telll me to think positive. Have any of you even spent a moment working on your shadows, walking in the darkness? Watching suffering, Trying to help others? oh, hell no! you might lower you precious vibrations.
Oh, they manifested their suffering, is that it? To hell with this plane, a part of me wants to say. And yet, at the same time, I won’t let them win. I won’t give in. I will not lose. And if I hear one more person be sad about Atlantis falling, I will probably snap at them. Do they even remember the things we were doing? We made Abominations. We as the cliche’ goes, messed with things man was not meant to know.
And yet, I feel a terrible sense of longing for it, all the same. It wasn’t always that way. we lost our way. I don’t exactly remember, it is more like a memory of a memory. A feeling of loss, longing, sorrow, guilt.
But most people can’t handle me talking in this way, You know? they just want your pain to go away. And This Positive nonsense neglects the shadow. Sure, being negative is not helpful either, but what many of you are doing is going to the other extreme. Same thing with new-age philosophy. Overly left-brained and masculine society, and as a response a literal deification of the feminine. Intuition is hailed as the best thing ever. Do you really think that the prime Creator, “THE ALL”, is male or female? A Goddess or a God? Oh, come on!
But that is the way the pendulum swings. Back and forth, left and right, the motion springs forth this reality. I didn’t even steal that from anywhere. Sure, I took ideas from hermetic philosophy, but it is my own.
I can’t begin to tell you how many people think that they are awake because they read something about “9/11” or the “Reptilians” that supposedly control the world. Or People that never cease to Use Words like Auras, Chakras, Angels, Archangels, And so on. But their understanding of the concepts is sorely lacking. 7 chakras? Pffft. Come on, really? Can you not handle something more complicated? The system works fine for all of you people, but my Chakra system has been getting more and more complicated. I have Transpersonal chakras active, among other things. and if one of you idiots works on me and tries to make me conform to your outdated system, what do you think is going to happen? well, my new centres are going to be neglected, among other things. And the central spinal chakras are supposed to be either aligned with the femmine or the masculine. Well, I am aligned with both! so how the hell are my chakras supposed to spin? As a “transsexual”, as people crassly put it.
It makes me so angry. Hey, that’s you get being what people call an indigo. oh, the irony. Hey, guess what the best sign that someone is an indigo? they are not interested in hearing all of your nonsense about it! oh, we are supposed to change the world? hey, maybe you could help too! no? You want to do pretentious meditations and yoga while chanting OM? fine, fine. Love you too. Am I not supposed to rant here?
OH, yeah. We must only present our best moments and insights. Heaven forbid we show our real struggles and emotions on-line! Better that we all look op at everyone else and lament their seeming perfection.
Sure, I will scare a few people off doing this. But there most of all, I feel better now. And if you claim to be “awake”and enlightened and still have a problem with things like transsexual people, then I say you are full of it. You lie to yourself. I’m sick of measuring what I should say, lest I offend someone. And most of all, I am angry with myself.
I am still going along with this stupid society and it’s constructs. Signing my name, admitting to being a legal entity. And I know it is wrong. And I don’t want to do it. Showing that you understand: i.e: Stand-Under. You are beneath them. And I don’t know how to say no more. I would love too! But what would it really accomplish other than sabotaging me?
IF you are truly serious about this that is what you must do. Have a read. Lose the name.com I know I don’t have the ability to do that. I can hardly talk to people to begin with. so for those of you who can, I urge you to do so. I guess that makes me a hypocrite. And you know what? that is what makes me the angriest. I hate myself for it. But Because of being born male (I guess it did really help with my awakening.), and really, really not being able to identify with it, Most of my energy is directed at Staying in a dissociated state. Where one is an observer, not the controller. and in this state I don’t really have much control over my actions.
Hey, why is it that geuninely spiritual people are so messed up? I think we all know the answer. Well, I hope I didn’t overstep the boundaries of acceptable writing too much.