Facing Your Shadow.

it is a frightening thought that man also has a shadow side to him, consisting not just of little weaknesses- and foibles, but of a positively demonic dynamism. The individual seldom knows anything of this; to him, as an individual, it is incredible that he should ever in any circumstances go beyond himself. But let these harmless creatures form a mass, and there emerges a raging monster. ~ Carl Jung, On the Psychology of the Unconscious.”

Hi There. Lately I have been trying to get back in touch with my emotions, among other things. I have also been going into trances and trying to remember past lives. let’s just say that some of it was rather disturbing. But hey, One memory was of Egypt, The Great pyramids. I was wearing sandals. and When I asked who I was, I  was a”Priestess of the moon” sounds kinda important. Didn’t manage to gleam anything else. admittedly, I wasn’t in a proper trance. only a pseudo-trance (is that the right words? I mean I was only half-under), rather.

There was much pain among the memories., I was a mother in one. I had a son and a husband. He stabbed me. not sure why. Was a nice little cottage though. Most of it was just disjointed flashes though, sadly. And Some people would tell you to turn away from it all, to as  avoid negativity and ignore anything that is bad and pretend it doesn’t exist. :“Any idea is a good idea except the non-happy ones. Those we push down deep inside where you’ll never, ever, ever, EVER find them!” -“Unikitty, the Lego Movie”. Now, don’t laugh. Movies are made with (often Blatant) Esoteric undertones by people who know exactly what is going on. if you were paying attention, it was basically the matrix remade with Lego. (instruction manual on how to conform, anyone?)

To me, it seems like a commentary on the Sort of mindset that that too many people have lately (you know who you are!). Gosh, I would hate to think how repressed they are. it worries me. I am reminded of a line from the opening of a video game: “The Brighter your Light, The Longer Your Shadow.”

And It makes perfect sense. the longer you spend here, the more you figure out, the more pain and terrible things you will endure. I know I have. That’s why I have been blocking my emotions out. But we need to face it. And Transmute it, perhaps. I think It’s important to just cry. just let it all out. If you avoid it, it will affect you. Trauma and emotions not felt takes a terrible toll on the body. It might store itself in your shoulders, Your knees, Or Perhaps even behind your eyes (like mine is doing), desperate for release.

Anyway, What about the Shadow? Well, I have found that some part of me does take some kind of sadistic Pleasure in violence, and the like. The Other disgusted. It’s almost like I have a twin soul or something. but that Isn’t it at all. A righteous fury, that would end all that gets in it’s way. A part of Us that Would wish the World Would BURN. can you feel something similar? yes, don’t run away from it. That isn’t the way.  holy actually means whole?  (whole-y) And If you want to do that we will have to make peace with these parts of ourselves.

Hey, Most of you should be familiar with the notion of past lives, right? Well, How many do you think you have killed in battle? Perhaps I am feeling the collective mind, Who knows? I could be. Can you hear it’s screams? Those souls lost behind the veil, trapped between worlds? No? Me neither :P.

A lone warrior, carrying a holy blade. standing before countless enemies. before the day has left he shall fell a thousand foes. A monster? no they hail him as a hero. The dilated pupils. The Lust for BLOOD. we will never be sated. More, Just One More to fell. Then We will be satisfied. Crush their bones, Shatter their faith. WHERE ARE YOUR GODS NOW!? there is nothing left for us. Who Will mourn for us, The Soldiers of ages past?
The Ones who ended so many, only to be forgotten.
The Blade knows not what It takes, carving a path through friend and foe alike.
can you remember? The moment when flesh meets steel. the sensation carrying along the spine of the blade, Chilling your soul? skewered like a piece of meat, the putrid scent of death stains your robes. Crows and carrion birds hanging above, waiting for a feast.
Your never wanted to fight. nothing else left for those like us.
The Blood Never washes off. A clishe? Perhaps. Does it make it any less so?
Perhaps If you could feel their cracking bones, their screams of terror and anguish, you would not be so quick to judge. your hands animated by primal instinct, and before you know it, your hands are stained.

Wow, I have no idea what that just was. make of it as you will. (Maybe that’s my shadow?) Hey, I wanted to rant about swords. That is a weapon that has been romanticised to death. along with the revolver, sniper rifles, and a few others. Oh, and let’s not forget the almighty Katana. Hey, fun fact: Samurai hardly used their Katanas in battle. it was a side-arm. their main weapon is the thing above: the Nagitana. Same thing all around the world, actually.

Anyway, lets just say that I’ve probably done my fair share of killing throughout my many lifetimes. I don’t want to remember, to be honest. it scares me. And what disturbs me the most, is that some people seem to find violence cool, or even enjoyable to watch. “Oh, they are such A “Badass” actually, where on earth did that term come from? after said character has lost everything that matters to them, they might have lost a limb, or an eye, and covered in scars.

Oh. so cool… Yeah. I hate to say it, but writing this brought me to tears at parts. Maybe that was the music. Really nice composer: Max Richter. Well, I really hope this was insightfull to some of you. I suppose it is rather scary, isn’t It? all in good time. face your shadow when you are ready. I’ve been hiding from it for years. Let’s just say it has started to take its toll.

Well, Thanks for reading. I guess I got distracted again. Oh, One more thing. I made A Patreon Page. I think I still need To set some of it up though. The ‘Real World” Is confusing!


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