“I awoke, only to find that the rest of the world was still asleep.”-Leonardo da Vinci
Edit- (Teenage angst mixed with a health dose of gender dysphoria is a rather interesting bug. I wouldn’t read into this too much.)
For the First time In forever, I feel alive. Aware. I feel as If there is nothing left to say. philosophy bores me now. it’s like preaching to the choir. I suppose this is what they call internal Gnosis. What does it mean? I hear so many say that they are awake. I myself had thought I was. But now? I feel as though for the first time I am seeing clearly. Truth be told, my vision (among other things) has been upgraded in the last few months. ascension is weird. My eyes are almost permanently out of focus now (they look rather strange too). I can see everything perfectly though. no focal point. just everything. bigger, clearer.
The same, yet so different. finally, I look while seeing. One can see a speck of dust floating in the distance. the cobwebs in the corners. The Energy in the air, the grid of reality. it all is so strange. But does anyone really care? Or believe me, for that matter? Here, Perhaps? but in the little country town I live In? Don’t make me laugh. will it stop people from demanding I get a job, a drivers licence and be a good little citizen?
You know, Some people would call someone like myself An “Indigo”, among other things. they are so amazed to see you, your aura superbly advanced. then you start talking. wow! you know so much. well, until you start challenging their beliefs. what do you mean the law of attraction has an opposing law? the law of awareness? what is that? What are Archons?
I’m so sick of this. where are my ilk? the only people I seem to be able to find are what I would call the half-wise. people who will tell you all about something without having the slightest inkling of what it actually means. And Most of all, I feel like there is nothing left to say. There comes a point where words simply cannot explain what you now understand. And that your path is a lonely one. And if that means that one lies by the road in the rain at night, dehydrated and hungry? then so be it!
Well, it would certainly not be enjoyable. But I didn’t come all the way to earth to simply bow down to authority. No, that isn’t my name. No, I’m not one of your citizens. Your Laws Have no bearing on me, for I am a free and sovereign being. I render them null and void.
Well, that’s what I want to say. It’s what burns inside. You know, I’ve been realising more and more that I don’t want anything to do with the world. My goodness, you should see people my age. can’t they see what is going on?
How can they do so well but not see the glaring flaws in the broken system? I always knew the answers to their stupid questions. I just didn’t see the point of having to prove it to anyone, let alone in some absurd essay or assignment. So if my writing is somewhat informal and lacking proper structure, let me tell you why: I never did high school English, maths, or anything of the kind. I ended up in a special education class for the rest of high school, because I kept running away from my classes. (they got sick of chasing after me, and I ‘have’ Aspergers)
The first time I did that they made the biggest deal out of it, my goodness! “oh, you can’t do that!” Oh? is that right? I can’t leave the school grounds? Well, Guess what? I just did. The feeling I had the first time I did that was amazing. There was nobody running to stop me, no police at the barrier. no great fence and iron gates. The only barrier was in your mind. and once it was broken, it all starts to fall apart. then you will see.
“Nature loves courage. You make the commitment and nature will respond to that commitment by removing impossible obstacles. Dream the impossible dream and the world will not grind you under, it will lift you up. This is the trick. This is what all these teachers and philosophers who really counted, who really touched the alchemical gold, this is what they understood. This is the shamanic dance in the waterfall. This is how magic is done. By hurling yourself into the abyss and discovering its a feather bed.”-Terence Mckenna Quotes
So when people ask why I didn’t want to go to university, I just want to laugh. Because they can’t see how damn thin the veil of the world is. and then what? I want to ask? everything about our society is always saying: oh, if you work hard now, think of the next generation, think of your retirement.
And do you know what? we just keep on going blindly forward? for what? I don’t know where my path leads anymore. I don’t know if I even care about this world anymore. I just want to say: Burn for all I care. I’m done.
But I guess that’s a normal thing to say when you are tired, upset and lonely. sigh. I’m going to go have a nap.
Thanks for reading.