It would be better to read my previous post before this to get some context.
Certain things are happening in my life that seriously tempt me to just walk out to some nice deserted place and not come home until sunrise. After all, why does it really matter? Why am I so afraid?
And I want to prove I can. I tried something similar a while ago. I wanted to go and watch the stars somewhere quiet. So I got out of bed at about midnight, and headed to what is lovingly called the ‘sugar-loaf’ where I live. funny name, I know.
It’s about 2 kilometres from where I live. and conveniently next to the school I went too. So walking there I don’t even have to think. I have literally walked that path over a thousand times. no exaggeration. So I went out there at night, tense and scared. With a tiny little torch. I didn’t need it, being a full moon and all. but it made me feel safe.
And I did what I set out to do. I climbed to the top, and sat there for a time. freaked out, and went home.
my higher self never lets me do anything so rash. it interferes. Honestly, Can people claim to be awake without letting go of fear? . It makes me furious. I still eat meat, which disgusts me. I waste my days staring at a flickering screen. I don’t meditate much any-more either. all I do Is go for long walks, wandering aimlessly. that is the only time I feel at peace. I have no income either. I tried setting up patreon or something, but it turns out I have no idea what I’m doing. sigh.
and who can help me? this is my path, and I must walk it alone.
“If you seek to aid everyone that suffers in the galaxy, you will only weaken yourself… and weaken them. It is the internal struggles, when fought and won on their own, that yield the strongest rewards. You stole that struggle from them, cheapened it. If you care for others, then dispense with pity and sacrifice and recognize the value in letting them fight their own battles. And when they triumph, they will be even stronger for the victory.” — Kreia.
Just as a frame of reference, have a look at this concept: Nine Veils Of Reality. It’s Really, Really interesting.I would be inclined to believe I am starting to bang my head against the seventh one. (cmon, crack already wall…) I have been doing quite a bit of thinking about geometry, after all. every time I see a car go past I can’t help but note how many spokes the wheels have.
And yes, I do believe in things like the so called “Illumanati” aka the Self Proclaimed “Enlightened ones” (literal translation from Latin)., and so on. Get over it! I just don’t make a big song and dance about it.
I mean, it’s all old news to me now. I’m interested in creational patterns, Antarctica’s real shape (does anyone else just find their alarm bells go off when they look at this? but I should leave that for a full article later. sorry. I will just say this: why did they make the Arctic treaty anyway? ever heard of operation high-jump? (also, think about the name)
Actually, look at a globe of earth. What does your intuition say about it? personally, something feels very wrong about it. go on. try it. Seriously.
Well, I’l let you make of that what you will. after all, It’s not something people like to think about. but those things set off my B.S detectors really badly. Have a think. I’m not good for much else bedsides researching things, sadly.
I hope you find this interesting. I was going to talk about other things but apparently we got sidetracked.