Hello. This isn’t anything insightful, or anything really. It’s just me talking. Because I have nowhere else to go. (it’s A Rant. Yes.)If that doesn’t interest you, go away. I just need to vent. If nobody reads this, that’s okay. I will have actual posts soon. Don’t mistake my bluntness for malevolence. What am I talking about? Well… according to modern psychology, Have Aspergers. (keep in mind all this is just thought forms/and only exist in the mind, not reality) . Well, The proper name is asperger’s syndrome, Which is now a defunct label and simply falls under the umbrella of ASD and so on bla bla bla. Can I get on with it? And despite what many people may think, We actually have feelings. We’re not monsters. And we have learned over many years that expressing any of these feelings elicits horrible responses from people, and have often learned to lock them in a deep dark cave where even I can’t find them.
But Like all things suppresed and left in the dark to fester and grow, they will come back with a vengence. It might seem like some silly slight that I’ve “Overreacted to” but it was just the thing that opened the floodgates to a pit of rage and despair.
Mine generally take the form running off/storming out of whatever stupid situation people have put me in (consequences be damned!). Bin Kicking and book tossing optional. I’ve managed so not explode for years. Years! Well, Not properly.
So, Let me begin by saying that I’ve been having serious problems sleeping. The night before, I just gave up trying entirely and stayed up all night. And For some reasons I need about 10 or 12 hours sleep to function properly. Not sure why people only need 8? It’s strange, really. I can keep going, through sheer force of will. “Sack of flesh, You WILL MOVE. OBEY.” Sigh. Maybe we are monsters after all. So I wasn’t exactly in the best state of mind.
I hate the way normal people always plod along in the most infuriating manner. Imagine If you tried that with someone who was missing a leg! Introduce yourself. or try to make us say stuff you could find by read the darn WORDS on the paper in front of you instead of bombarding me with questions you stupid people who don’t know how to leave well enough alone. Can’t you see the danger signs? Are you blind? (also, this isn’t the first time) Anybody who knows anything about autism would be backing off. I’m not blinking, I’m staring into space. I’ve just moved my chair backwards, and packed my stuff up Don’t push me! You already filled the room with people wayy to close to me. I was doing your stupid assignment until then. And As I’ve since learned, People really close are entering your Auric field. I’ve learned how to shield. But that takes concentration. mind was fizzing out.
Okay, Here’s the situation: I’m currently receiving unemployment benefits from the government. Heaven knows I tried to get a disability pension. But as I was told that someone who didn’t even have Hand, Hands! Even they couldn’t get it either. The system is actually broken. I live in australia, by the way. So I’m a ‘job seeker’ and I have to turn up at some stupid employment place every week. A place that is ‘supposed’ to be ‘disability’ employment, I might add (which clearly has no idea how to handle an aspie). (was never meant to happen, I screwed something up.)
Maybe I’ve said some dumb things. Maybe I’ve miscomunicated. What a surprise! It’s almost like Interpersonal communication is an area in which I’m inhibited. Or a intolerance of certain textures and sensations and so on. Hey, Any of you use a satin pillowcase as well? I
using a normal one once. I was up and in the cupboards faster than you can say: It’s not that big of a deal, right? *shudder* I can’t help the way I am. Why should people bend and twist to accommodate me or anyone else? neurotypicals seem to forget just how many absurd allowances we make for them. Apparently the truth is the most offensive, horrible thing one could ever utter. How dare I burst your stupid bubble?
I have cool sandals now. I’m happy. I just do things differently. That’s all. Why do people insist on putting square pegs through round holes? Hey, Even noticed that round pegs go through square holes just fine? (provided the cur So Bring on the Square Holes! Fun for the whole family. Can I adapt? Yes. And I have done so, time and time again. But sometimes if I accomodate your world any more would mean to become nothing more than an empty shell. I’ve already lost most of my sense of self. I feel… Twisted. It’s why I wrote so many selfish things on here in the past. I’m trying to cling to what little I have left.
I should be distraught. I’m going to lose any sort of income If I’m not careful. But I feel nothing. At least I have some money in the bank. I’ll be alright for a month or so. But after that? Ah, It’s almost like I want it all to fall apart. I just wish society could make up it’s mind. If it hates us so much why can’t it give us a little money every fortnight so we can leave each other in peace? I don’t ask for much. perhaps you confuse wants and needs but we don’t.