If you find mental health a subject that scares you or makes you uncomfortable, I’d keep on hiking onto another page. Okay? 🙂 Hi there. I’m making a post that I probably shouldn’t.
At least, that’s what one of the voices in my head said. ha-ha. What is that voice? Oh, don’t worry! It’s not going to tell me to kill Timmy or anything. It’s just some fragment of my “core personality (I think that’s the right term?” floating around. Yeah. It’s funny, all right. Especially when they were you 2 weeks ago and people are wondering why you are suddenly closing off all contact with them when you were so bubbly and happy before. It’s frustrating for many reasons. It isn’t that there are multiple people in my head, that’s not it at all.
So, Imagine It like this: A person as a whole, right? And it undergoes some kind of trauma or stress, and as a way of dealing with it, it shatters into pieces. That’s my understanding of how this process happens. What kind of trauma did I undergo? Well, I strongly suspect that I can’t explain it without being accused of being overly dramatic or some-such thing. So keep on wondering, okay? But I will give you a hint: it has something to do with gender dysphoria.
I didn’t even realize it was happening until someone I was seeing practically asked me why I was acting like a boy some times and a girl at others. Like, make up your mind! And don’t get me started on how each different ‘alter’ denied the others’ existence and yada yada yada. I wanted only female pronouns and they wanted none of that…
Oh, and according to some people you can’t have multiple personalities/DID (Dissociative Identity disorder) unless you have full-blown memory gaps and the like. That’s rubbish, if you ask me. From the reading I’ve done, that is only in extremely rare cases. Naturally, those are the ones that the media likes to publicize. Also, diagnosis and disorders are frustratingly unreliable and really ought to be called fictional, in my opinion.
In the vast majority of casesIn my case, the ‘gaps’ or barriers are different. ‘Dissociation’, ‘Depersonalisation’, ‘Derealisation’, ‘Identify alteration’. Those are the ‘medical’ terms used to describe what I am suffering.
So what are you listening to right now? To be honest I would suggest that what you are listening to is essentially the personification of my intellect, bereft of all personality or emotion. But the others more than make up for that, I can assure you. Obsessed with the efficiency, purpose, and result of ones actions. Rather creepy, to be honest.
I have often explained to people as there being a male and female personality present. that’s not untrue, but also a gross oversimplification. I Have identified a few, here is a list:
- “The Child”
- “The Lady”
- “The Cynic/Victim”
- “The Warrior/’Protector”
- “The Core Self” (
And so on. I miss being whole. I really, really do. I really like the lady especially. She’s pretty cool. I mean, can you believe it? What a load of rubbish, right? They don’t really exist. See, When you’re having a really hard time you make like a person up to deal with it all and hide behind them so you don’t have to deal with the real world! Oh, that’s funny! We’ve switched again. I honestly don’t know why I’m writing this. Maybe I’m frustrated that the world doesn’t care, or something. Maybe I’m even more frustrated because As I think that I get berated for it. After all, what would we have them do? So Maybe I just want to vent. Is there anything wrong with that? But it is hard. I don’t like this. I don’t like it at all.
It’s like… There are multiple streams of thought/consciousness flowing into my awareness and whichever one I listen to is who I become. One feels Cold. One feels infantile and warm. Another simply quiet and understated. It’s just there. Soothing silence. But people just go about their business like nothing’s wrong. Like you are the same person. I know it isn’t fair to not hold me responsible for my actions, but If I essentially regressed to a child at the time, How the heck can I function as an adult?
And the parts of myself that are mature to function properly enough are so cynical and jaded they just don’t care about anything anymore! UGH! You stupid losers. Anyway, Don’t worry about me. I’m probably half-way around the world after all, right? I just wanted to vent. Also, you might find this informative as well, who knows? I do have a knack for researching things to an absurd degree. Oh my goodness! Shush! I’m going to post this and you can’t stop me!
Oh, and just some friendly advice for anyone: Don’t try and deny parts of yourself. Or suppress them It will only make things worse.