I’m not sure how to feel right now…

This a dumb title. I hope you can forgive me for that. I really, really am tired of trying to figure them out. It’s half the reason I’ve gone quiet. So please! let it go? Okay then. Also, If you haven’t read my last post already this might make more sense if you do. Here .Up to you.

I’m not really sure how to feel right now. I can say that there is a river of boiling magma beneath my calm and sweet demeanor I’ve been projecting. Oh yes, I’m pissed. The next person to try and tell me my coping strategies need work gets murdered. Any takers? You wanna try and tell me my depression can be fixed without transition? Come right up… I wouldn’t hurt  you.. Would I? *Smiles dangerously* Why haven’t I learned how to lie like everyone else? It’s something I’ve been working on. Clearly I still can improve.

Anyway, I didn’t get a referral for HRT. Me and my big mouth. They were worried that I was already really moody and estrogen does a number on you. Never-mind that I don’t really feel much of anything. But my moods do fluctuate quite wildly. one day I might be fine and the next distraught. Anyway, You might be wondering why I’m not totally freaking out. That’s because while did not get  a referral to an endocrinologist, I did get a prescription for Some Hormone blockers.  (next week when I see my GP probably) Yay? Ahhh… Also spiro (Spironolactone) seems to have fun side effects. Isn’t it fun going against your values? (I hate medication.) But then again I guess I hate this more? Also, I hear self-medicating is really dangerous. Arrrgh. That’s okay though. I won’t do it. Promise.

Maybe. And besides, being the weird quack loving person I am, I’ll keep doing things my way. 🙂 I have a sneaking suspicion if I had a blood test they would find some amusing levels. 🙂 Oh well. I might put up some posts up soon. Anger cuts through the Brain fog so very wonderfully. Oh, It feels good to be angry.

I feel alive.

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